Thinking Eternally

Reece had a stable night last night.  The doctors were pleased and felt that he had actually improved as far as how he is doing.  He is still intubated and unconscious.  He is not yet on dialysis, but it is likely he will be on it tomorrow as the medicine they are giving him to treat adenovirus is very hard on the kidneys.  His kidneys were stable all day.  Pulmonology–our good friends–consulted and did not feel a bronchoscopy was needed to do any further diagnosis.  Again, there is no evidence of a pulmonary hemorrhage.  Actually, a hemorrhage is much easier to recover from than a virus, as long as you survive the initial bleed.  In many ways, I wish that is what we are dealing with.  There’s another thing I never thought I would say, “I wish we were dealing with a hemorrhage.”  All doctors consulting on Reece believe he had bleeding in his stomach, but not in his lungs.  They believe several things contributed to yesterday’s crash.  Reece’s primary doctor believes there is likely another virus or bacterium that is working on Reece’s body since he crashed so quickly.  Nevertheless, this drug that they are giving Reece will hopefully help in turning things around.  The next days will be telling as far as his trend.  But today, the doctors were very pleased with how the first 24 hours went.

Our pastor visited today and prayed with us.  It was so refreshing to see someone from our church.  I can not believe we haven’t been to church since last November…I miss it.  We explained in some detail what happened yesterday and discussed how God’s timing was perfect in the entire thing.  Had the doctors not happened to be coming in the room just as Reece was crashing, Terry firmly believes he would not have survived…it happened that quickly.

Reece is what they call “on life support”.  That term led to some raw and real conversations between the doctors and us.  The fact is, there is a real possibility that Reece will not pull out of this.  He may crash again, he many not recover more than he has already, he may recover some things but have severe injuries, he may have only minor issues, or he may be fully restored.  We don’t have a prognosis, because we don’t exactly know what we are dealing with.  Only time will tell us how Reece is doing.  If he does recover, he will have months of physical therapy, as it is unlikely he will be strong enough to walk after this much time in bed.

I’m sure as you read this, unless you have been through something traumatic, you can not fathom what this is like.  I know a year ago I would have never been able to understand how people walk through these things.  But you must remember that it is very different to live through it every day, versus reading updates on the blog.  God has walked with us through this and worked on us even before Reece was diagnosed.  We know the doctors and nurses in the PICU.  We are in the same room in the PICU.  But for me, it has been a very different experience.  Unlike the first time we were here, I am relatively calm and at peace.  I know the reality of the situation and I know how to better cope with it than before.  Mostly, God has shown me how to think much more in the eternal perspective.  Our life doesn’t end with death on earth.  If I didn’t believe that to my core, I would be a total mess.  I would be grasping for every straw and hanging on every word of the doctors.  I have given this one to God.  He knows all about this and He loves Reece.  Reece’s life doesn’t end when he leaves this earth.  It has been and continues to be a privilege to be his mother.  I hope that I have more than five years with him here, but if he goes to Heaven before me, I have so much more to look forward to than I already had in the first place for when I leave this earth.  Our boy deserves to be his running, active, joy-filled self…be it here or There.  I really hope it is here and that we actually get to see him be himself again.  Reece will have a very long road of recovery ahead of him, but if he can recover, I want him here with us.  He has rallied through many tough things; he is a fighter.

A couple of years ago, our BSF lecture leader said something that has stayed with me.  Whether you perish as an infant or as an elderly person, it is but a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of eternal life.  We are just passersby here.  One of the many blessings of this situation is that my eyes have been opened to that.  Additionally, I have learned to let go of trying to control anything and to hand it over to God; to fully trust that He is in control and that no matter what, we are entrusted in His care.  That is easy to say, but it has taken me nearly seven months of true suffering and heartache (plus 32 additional years) to get there.  But once you take away the parameters of this life and what you know, it frees you to fully trust the Lord.  It takes the pressure off of you and all your expectations for this weary life.  I’m certain I will continue to struggle with doing so in other areas of my life, but right now, I have handed this one over–for today.

We are back to living moment by moment in the PICU.  Please pray for Reece’s continued healing and for his life.  Oh, how I love him and how my heart aches for him.

Many thanks.



Filed under Bone Marrow Transplant

6 responses to “Thinking Eternally

  1. Tammy

    and oh how He loves Reece. Reece is in great hands and you obviously know that. Praying always.

  2. Paul & Mary Christenson

    Terri & Terry,
    We have been in prayer for you, Reece and your girls as we have been following your blog these many months. It is certainly evident how near God has been to you through this difficult time…. even though we don’t always ‘see’ that. We will be continuing in prayer for peace, strength, comfort and wisdom in the days to come and that you will feel His great Love for you now and always.
    Paul & Mary Christenson (your Mom’s Uncle)

  3. Stephanie

    You do not know me, but I am a friend of Liz Seaman. I want you to know that my family and I are praying for Reece and your family. Your post was amazing. We will pray that God takes care of Reece. Lots of prayers and love sent your way.

  4. Catherine & MIchael

    Michael and I send our love, Dear Ones. Know we continue to pray for all things for all of you.

  5. Krista Bird

    Sending thoughts and prayers to all of you! Terri, please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do!

  6. Kerry

    I am also a friend of Liz and Meghan’s and I’ve been seeing the updates on Reece on FB. You’re right, as a mother of two, I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I admire your faith and I am pulling for your little guy. Sending prayers and love from Philly.

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